Dear Family and Friends,
Sorry not to write an email last week to everyone. Email time was cut short because we went to China town and played volley ball with our zone.
I've really learned and grown a lot this past week. I'm becoming more converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ than ever before. I really feel like I've been stripped of my pride and broken down to nothing and it's a painful process but I love it and I can see that I'm being refined. I can say that I am not the same person I was before my mission. I understand things more deeply now in my heart that I will never deviate from and I am closer to my Savior and my Father in Heaven than I have ever been in my life. I feel like these first few months I've been trying to go at everything 100% with effort and will power but my heart wasn't quite at 100%. I had some experiences this week where I'm at least trying now to put my heart and head into it 100%. I have seen that the only way for this to work is to give my will over to the Lord 100% and I knew that but I was at times at like 99% almost almost there. Now, I'm not trying to say it do it 100% of the time but I am willing and trying and striving and repenting. I have given up every last bit of what I am, what I want and everything so he can make of me what He sees in me not just what I want or who I want to be. He knows better. (The scripture 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 has really come to life for me). The mission is the hardest thing and the easiest thing and I can't even explain it. I think part of it is that we are sons and daughters of Heavenly Father with a divine sense to us so when we understand and see this it's easy. But we still live in a fallen world and when we forget it is hard to fight off the natural man and use our agency to completely follow Jesus Christ. I know I have many weakness but this week I found the source of my greatest weakness and my biggest stumbling block and I am so grateful. I haven't had pure charity all the time. I lack charity. That is where all my weakness and faults come from. I finally figured it out. I know that I'm not always a great listener and I am not always humble and that comes from not having more charity. I will strive harder than ever before to be the Savior's eyes, and hands, and say the things He would say. That is charity. It is loving everyone more than you can imagine, it is caring more about them than yourself, wanting their success and happiness. As soon as we forget this we do something dumb and it makes us unhappy because sin cannot bring happiness. I'm grateful that I've been able to go through difficult things to break me down to nothing so Heavenly Father can build me up the way He sees me. It's not easy but I wouldn't have it any other way. I know this is how to be truly happy.
We saw about a million miracles in the past couple weeks I haven't had time to write about that I'd say are like Ensign worthy (haha) things that you just wouldn't believe but I don't have time to write them all today. Just know that God will always bless the righteous and the way to miracles is to ask in faith and act upon it believing and knowing He will provide a way and then just like that it happens every time.
Sister Lallis and I are working as hard as we can and I think she'll be training in no time. We should have two baptisms in the month of August and I couldn't be more happy for them. I love the people here and the ward. Two girls gave their farewells this week in church and it's crazy that was me not too long ago. They'll be fantastic. One is going to Russia and the other to Chile. Watch out world here comes the Sister missionaries! Transfers are next week but I think I'll be here still. I think I've got something else I need to do (and I'm supposed to speak in church in a few weeks so they can't get rid of me yet haha) and I think that I'll probably finish Sister Lallis' training (which would be this next transfer) then they'll yank me out and have her start training. These are all just assumptions and I could be completely wrong but so far I've been right every transfer.
I feel like there's something else important I needed to write about but I can't remember any more so I guess it can't be too important.
One more thing, dad, Brother Mackay is in the bishopric in my ward and he says hi. He's awesome and he said he went to high school with you and he was the grade below you. He said you were goofy and great growing up. I think his wife may also know you from growing up in CA. Another thing for you dad- there's a fantastic talk called "The Fourth Missionary" by Coorbridge that I highly recommend. It's great for anyone not just missionaries.
I'm grateful for the mercy the Lord has on me and each of us. Never forget he's there and loves you. Remember that when you do what you want you and the Lord both loose. The only way is to win is to loose your will and take His and then you both win. He knows you and loves you better than you can immagine. Trust Him. Trust in him that knows all things. I love you all, have a fantastic week!
Love, Sister Fjeldsted